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I didn't realise how stressed I've been until I handed my last report in on Monday. I got the best nights sleep last night and slept through my alarm this morning. I got through the day without the lightheaded tiredness thats been an all too regular occurence. The pain in my stomach has subsided somewhat. My skin has been the most evident in the stressness, it's breakout stingy senstitive and just all round ouchy. Hello cysty acne. Strong measures have been taken including a light coating of tea tree oil on my work phone and scraping my hair back from my face when at home. I can't quite bring myself to leave it scraped back at work since I can hide a lot of it with my fringe. So this week will be operations "Get to sleep at a decent hour so you don't feel like shite", "Make Yummy veggie soup" and "Clean skin=clear skin". Although my exams start on the 10th plan on taking the rest of the week off college work. Work have been quite generous about study leave which I will take around my exams but for now its all about getting myself back on an even keel.

Complete change of subject but what say yee on t-tapping? I'm intrigued by it and did a few excercises on the website, it looks deceptively easy. It isn't. However I'm impressed by the website and with the reviews I've read. I've been doing it for about a week now and while I'm still jiggly I feel stronger. Plus its a bonus that it takes up so little space. I'm contemplating buying the book and dvd...
baasheep: (Default)
Cootie test came back clean. Yay! It's such a weight off my mind. I stocked up on condoms and found a rather handy space in my wallet I can wedge one into. Not saying I am going to get lucky (or want to) but it makes me feel more...responsible I guess to carry one around. Plus if my friends are in need well I can supply them :)

On to other things

Skin )

Oh and and and I got a bento box! Wheeeee! It was on sale and got a band thingy to put around it and some little containers. I can't wait to start creating pretty lunches!

Money Talks

Jun. 3rd, 2007 11:26 am
baasheep: (Default)
So that expensive ass bottle of topical acne-b-gone stuff my doc prescribed me? ITS WORKING!!! Two days in and my acne is drying up, dying a slow silent death. Mwhaha take that skin! I'm making sure to moisturise regularly with my non comdegic (sp?) cream so no flaky bits and my skin is looking noticeably less oily. The stuff expires in July so am making sure to be good and apply religiously twice a day like it says. The sleeping pills are also working well. I doze off about 20-30 minutes after taking them and when I wake up its morning. I'm up to about 6-7 hours now and I'm hoping for the full 8-9 next week. Pre pills I would have a hard time getting to sleep and when I eventually did would be tossing and turning and waking and ugh. Now though it really is like someone is flicking a switch on=awake, off=asleep and theres nothing in between. Its an odd feeling but I'm not complaining!

So it being Ireland and a typical bank holiday weekend its raining. Boo! I'm going out tonight and am wearing a fifties style cocktail dress with strappy slingbacks. Thank jeebus I didn't put fake tan on. This is also the night when crush is supposed to be over in C's house doing the male bonding thing with her husband. I hope he's still there and c or a won't say anything too suggestive. They both know I'm crushing on crush and they like to be evil.

P is also coming with us tonight. We fell out during the week and things aren't really back to normal. Basically I never told her about sweet and when she texted me on the Tuesday I was on the way home. She asked what I was up to and I said on my way home after finishing it with sweet so was a bit down. She got on her high horse because I didn't tell her. She then dug herself a hole when she said both N and L had said to her I had a hawt date/was seeing someone but she didn't believe them because I would have told her first. She then accused me of trying to keep things from her just becasue she had a new boyfriend?!

The truth is I haven't seen much of her because of the new boyfriend and it just slipped my mind to tell her about sweet. She dosen't believe it could be that simple oh no! I must be phasing her out. The arguement continued the next day and she sent me a not so nice email in work. I finally flipped and told her exactly what I thought of her and not to contact me for a while because I needed to calm down. Of course she did on both email and text which just annoyed me more so I didn't respond to her. I sent her an email on friday saying I wasn't apologising for something I didn't do and I hope we could be civil to each other on Sunday because I didn't want the other girls to feel awkward. She came back saying she would be more then civil, she was genuinely hurt and upset I didn't tell her etc etc. I honestly don't see why this is such a big deal?!

Deep down I would prefer if she didn't come tonight. I know she probably will make some sort of a scene wheter it be just to me or in front of everyone and I just want a fun girly night out, no complications and no tears. Thankfully my C and L are going to provide interference. If she does start to make a scene the object of their mission will be to distract her and remove from the scene. I hate to put them in this situation but I really don't want this night to be ruined. I'm probably overthinking this but I really don't want this night to be spoiled!


May. 31st, 2007 05:56 pm
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So went the doc and got my prescriptions and they totalled seventy euro. That was a bit of an unpleasent surprise. It was my old doc I went to see, he's looked after me since I was a baby. It makes me sad to think he'll be retiring soon. The first thing he asked when I got in there was how I was getting on since Mam passed. I told him about the crying at inappropriate times, crankiness and sleepless nights. I haven't been sleeping too good. I toss and turn for a few hours and eventually get to sleep about three or four am. I'm up at seven so by lunchtime I've lost all concentration and start getting frustrated which leads to the crying at inappropriate times thing. He's prescribed me a months worth of sleeping pills. I'm not overly keen about taking pills to help me sleep but I'm exhausted. The doc also mentioned anti depressents but I want to see how I feel after a months proper sleep. It might make all the difference. The last thing I want are pills to make me feel normal.

I also got my usual BC pill which has the added bonus of helping skin prone to acne. In normal times it does the job perfectly but in times of stress its about as useful as pissing against the wind. Suffice to say my skin at the moment is hideous. So I also got a topical lotion which the doc assures me will make all the difference. It better, the fucker cost fifty quid! So seventy quid for the pills/lotion plus fifty quid for the doctors visit. All in all an expensive afternoon!
baasheep: (Default)
Looking in the mirror this morning I see the same face reflected back as always. This face however takes me back to when I was sixteen. My acne was out of control and having to go to that torturous place known as school had become a daily nightmare. My day would start half an hour earlier then most of my fellow school goers because I needed that half hour for cover up. Using all the make up that I could afford to buy with my crappy bar job wages I would carefully apply thin layer after thin layer in the hope I might look marginally better. Very rarely I did. I could only afford crap make up with the crap wages I was on. The pound store stuff like constance carrol and collection 2000. The only shades concealer they seemed to do were light orange and dark orange and only in the stick version. Combine that with a person so frustrated with their skin, so mortified at having to be seen by judgemental kids and a crap orange face powder and the results were often, quite frankly scary. You weren't allowed to wear makeup in school. The unwritten rule was so long as wasn't thick black eyeliner and day-glo red lipstick the staff would turn a blind eye.

One morning after a particularly over enthusiatic bout of makeup applying my math teacher called me outside. He told me to go wash that muck off my face, that I looked ridiculous. I tried to tell him about my skin, about the acne and how dreadful I looked without it but he pooh poohed my 'backchat' stating I looked even more dreadful with it on. To be sixteen and told you look dreadful by a grownup, well its soul destroying. As I stood in the bathroom trying to scrub at the makeup with cold water and a wad of hard paperlike toilet tissue I began to think of what people would say when I went back into the classroom. How they would nudge each other and snigger at the state of my skin. It was starting to look redder and angrier with each swipe of the tissue. Some of the whiteheads had burst and some recently burst spots had started to bleed. It was at that point I lost it. I put my hands over my face and started to cry. I don't know how long I stood like that letting the salt tears pool in my hand and sting my senstive angry skin but the next thing I remember was my year head coming in and asking why I was so upset. I managed to hiccup out the story of how Mr. S had made me wash off my makeup and how embarrassed I was about my acne and that everyone was going to laugh at me. She asked me to come with her to her office.

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