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I had such a fun day, a friend of a friend texted me inviting me to go to the bodies exhibition. I headed in to meet her encountering the latest protest along the way. The thing that struck me most about the exhibition was that although they are real human bodies how unsqeamish I was about it. It was presented in a easy to understand scientific way. The most disconcerting thing I found was that the flesh on the body reminded me a little too much of boiled ham in the colour and the fat perhaps due to the preserving process that is used. I don't think I will be able to look at that meat in the same way again!

Also important to me were the exhibits which showed samples of organs with cancer. It's hard to put into words and explain but I had this image in my mind of cancer. It's big and scary and horrible and even though I have googled cancer and seen images of it, seeing cancer in the flesh (literally) takes away some of the .... fear... I guess.. of it. There were cross sections of livers and lungs with cancer and it was just like I saw on my Mam's xrays, dark spots. A particularly effective exhibit was the one showing a smokers lungs compared to a non smokers lungs. I know there are some who read this who may smoke so I won't harp on about it. However beside the exhibit was a clear perspex box which encouraged people who may smoke to dispose of their cigarettes. It was half full. I saw a pancreas and was struck by how small it was. The pancreas is where my mam had her primary tumour and after seeing this small organ I was struck by how fine a balance our bodies need to maintain to stay healthy. My mams tumour was roughly an inch long. It's still hard for me to imagine something this small, this...insignificant in size is what made her so ill and ultimately led to her death. There were cancers of the penis, cancers of the trachea, all sorts of cancer and I think this was such an interesting thing to see, to take the fear out of it. I know some people may not agree but it helped me.

After the exhibition we went for food then to the movies. He's just not that into you. Surprisingly good. It didn't give the fairytale ending that I expect of movies like this but more like an ending which was right for each of the characters.

It was a fun day and I think I have me another single friend :)


Feb. 14th, 2009 01:44 pm
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Happy Valentines day lovelies!

It may seem strange on valentines day but I've decided to stop trying to find Mr Right or Mr Right now. I've deleted my online dating account. I'm fine with this decision too.Its been coming for a while. It makes me a little sad when I see how wonderfully my friends partners treat them that I have no one in my life like that but I'm happy they've found their lobsters. As for me well unless Mr Wonderful walks up to me and declares his undying love I see myself remaining singularly wonderful for the time being.

Speaking of friends I'm off to the cinema with two of them in a hour being the third wheel on their date day :)
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"Fake it til you make it" is a often used saying. It's true for me in so far as I am not always the confident jokey person I come across nor the social butterfly my friends would like to think I am. Take tommorow night. Best friend and myselfs birthdays are about three weeks apart so we traditionally celebrate midway. This year it is her choice of location so we are dressing up and going for swanky cocktails in a fancypants hotel. While yes I am looking forward to dressing up and making myself all purdy, part of me is dreading the social interaction with strangers. See I'm not great with strangers. Sure I am polite and friendly but inside I am cringing. I put myself out there as I am supposed to do but I rarely feel comfortable. My friends however don't believe me on the rare occasions I do confess to this. I tell them my fake it til you make it mantra but they say if I was faking it they could tell as I would behave out of character. I don't let on that I've been following this mantra for years so my faking it behaviour is probably viewed as in character in their eyes. I have conciously tried to drop this mantra but the times I don't use it I feel I come across as rather....flat.

Sometimes I wonder if this character is more of a caricature. In social gatherings I am the one with the potty mouth, the sarcastic one and the one most likely to tell the dirty joke. All admirable traits I know (there's that sarcasm) but sometimes I wonder if I'm just behaving on cue rather like a dog who is taught to roll over with the flick of a palm. With men they tell me I'm easy to talk to because I'm funny and I seem interested in what they have to say. Why then is it men don't seem to want anything long term with me? The general consensus amongst the ones I've been intimate with is that I have lovely boobs and come to bed eyes. Is this all they see? A two dimensional cliched lifetime movie character? The times I do let my true feelings come through, that I like them, that I would like to get to know them better the look of dawning horror on their faces would be hilarious if it didn't hurt so fucking much. With that look I know the conversation will end one of two ways. 1. The "I'm not looking for anything serious but I think your really cool can we be friends" approach or 2. The verbal "I feel the same way" quickly followed by the never calling you again once he says he will. I can't decide which hurts more. I of course pretend everything is fine.

Showtime is tommorow and in my friends own words "theres no party without you". I guess I should be ready to perform.

**sadly not a post about the tv show which I loved.
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My birthday was low key and lovely just the way I wanted it. Woke up had a nummy brekkie (hot cross buns with *real* butter) then off to Mam's grave with a friend. We talked a little about how I felt about visiting (long story short I like going up there to clear my mind but I don't nessercerily feel like *she* is there) and then home and into town to meet best friend for a day of shopping in this new huge shopping mall. It was so much fun just to spend time with her without any interruptions. I picked up a few things (new trainers, waistcoat and puuuurdy black bra) and then we had lunch in TGI's, where friend only slightly begrudged me a ultimate sized cocktail (she was driving :-)). More shopping then home to go to line dancing.

Except traffic was terrible. I rang both the friends I was going line dancing with to say I would probably be delayed and to go in without me that I would be there. One friend is fine about it the other a wee bit stressed (she had never met my other friend before plus she has a bit of anxiety about going new places/trying new things by herself). I reassured her and asked friend number 1 to look out for her. They meet and ring me to tell me the place where the line dancing is supposed to be on is in darkness and was I sure it was on. I was assured by one of the girls in my weightwatchers class last week that it was on, they tried all the doors to the hall and the place was in complete darkness so I guess she was wrong.

I apologised profusely to them both but they both seemed fine. I met up with friend number two when I got home and we watched dvd's and played some wii fit (where according to the poxy thing I had put on 0.7kg and wanted to know why. "Kiss my obese ass its my birthday" was not an option strangely) and chilled out. Friend went home, I watched some more dvd's and finally went to bed. Bliss.
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It came out of the blue. A former co-worker of mine who I look up to enormously and had a bit of a girl crush on when we worked together sent me an email. She asked about my christmas my new year and how my Dad was doing. Then she dropped the bombshell "I had a bit of a dry one cos guess what, I'm preggers!" My jaw dropped and I spent a good minute or so staring at the screen before I replied. You see she was always the one I looked up to as a singleton. Even when she got with her boyfriend and moved in with him she always retained that streak of independance, that hey why don't we try this salsa club it starts tonight at 8 in an email sent at 5 type of thing. I'm afraid she'll lose that and like so many of my friends who have met the one and/or have a baby have less and less time for her friends aka me. Sigh it's selfish I know the baby and their spouse should of course be their main priority. However it's tough out there as a singleton and my friendships really matter to me perhaps they are not reciprocated as I would hope but I am trying to understand and accept this.
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I hope everyone had a lovely new years eve, I know I did.

Theres nothing nicer then being around your closest friends, eating the yummiest food (for hours on end :)) and laughing so hard you need to run, RUN for the bathroom to pee. Ah the joys of getting older..

After our 3 course meal we decided to pace ourselves for the next course until after midnight. Therefore my first meal this year was cheeseboard! Nom nom nom. However now that the festivities are over I am looking forward to a few days of veg heavy eating and am looking for light meal suggestions if anyone can help? Much as I love soup I can only take so many days of it :)

So onto resoloutions, while I've never been one for them I figure its a good idea to give myself a general outline for how I would ideally like 2009 to pan out. So in no particular order

Laugh more
Do things that make me happy
Work on my friendships and let my guard down more with my oldest and most trusted ones.
Read more books (including the ones I've bought but haven't had the chance to yet)
Although a life resoloution I feel I should mention becoming healthier
Be open to new opportunities (I guess men and relationships fall under this)
Only let positive people into my life. I can be negative enough by myself thanks.
Get my finances tighter. I've never liked the word "frugal" but I want to become more finance/money conscious.

On the last one as of the first day of 2009 I am debt free. I paid the last of my cc debt today and have enough money in my account to pay off the last of my college fees tommorow. I'm thinking about closing my cc account altogether or maybe asking them to reduce my limit to the lowest limit they can. I've learned to my cost that if the money is on the card I will spend it regardless of the state of my finances at the time. Perhaps willpower should be on the list hmmm? I also need to figure out how to cancel my curves membership (they changed their opening and closing times and I can make the new times due to work)plus my gym membership (all I use it for is swimming and while its a gorgeous pool I don't go swimming often enough to justify it)

Anyways enough waffling from me I'm off to enjoymy beautiful new wii :)
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What a lovely xmas. Nothing too crazy or sociable but good food and catching up with dad were the high points of the day. Xmas presents were on the whole pretty good, some randoms (hello cutlery set?) but all in all just lovely. On the food front my ham once again turned out gorgeous. Boiled until cooked then glazed in the oven using my time honoured (3 xmasess old) glaze. We are finishing up the last of it today.

Today is my last day off and truth be told I'm really not looking forward to going back to work. I can't remember the last time I felt this rested. I haven't bothered with an alarm clock and am coming to the conclusion my natural sleep cycle is 12 hours give or take 20 mins. In the real world this won't work. I only get in at 6.30pm and would need to be in bed by 7. Still though maybe I could manage it one or two nights a week? The house is sparkling clean and I even bought a new hoover. Xmas seems to be the only time its really spring cleaned so I am basking in the prettyness while it lasts. I really shouldn't be moaning about time off, I'm in the next two days then have thursday and friday off. Like I said I could get used to having this time off :-)

I had some friends over last night. Myself C, E and her boyf J. After it was over I asked C "is it just me or have they become incredibly stingey?". Which she answered that yes they have. They said to us they were going to treat me an C to take out as our xmas present. Cool. So we decided what to get then they started hmming and hawing over money. C and I offered to pay but we were turned down. The bill came to 47.50 and they gave the delivery dude exactly 47.50. No tip. This is most definitely not cool in my book. I've had friends who have done the delivery boy thing and the wage is minimum. The tips they make go towards petrol seeing as the takeaway places won't subsidise them round here. I called the guy back and gave him 4 euro (10%ish right?) E and J got sniffy about this saying it was against their principles. Oooohkay. Dinner was eaten in silence. The mood picked up later but I felt like I was in the wrong even though I don't think I did anything wrong!

Rant )

Maybe I am being over sensitive and cranky about this I don't know. I do know if I was broke I would just say so and bring something non alcoholic if I couldn't afford vino etc. I most definitely wouldn't go scabbing off my friends constantly. I don't mind sharing a bottle of wine with friends because I know when I go to their houses the favour is always returned. With E and J though it never is. Ever. A lot of our friends have recognised this and almost all will be there on NYE so I hope E and J don't make it awkward if they "forget" to bring anything.

Rant over now to decide what to do as a starter for C's dinner. I'm thinking antipasto platter?
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Busy busy busy busy. I have one more trip to make tonight to a friends to drop off her xmas present, then I will be in hibernation house mode. Speaking of the house it desperately needs to be cleaned. In that annoying way that men of my dad's generation are it generally falls on me to do the brunt of the housework. I don't really mind, true enough its not on my scale of fun things to do but there is a certain sense of satisfaction that surveying all the clean space around me brings. However this cleaning lark dropped off since I started studying for my exams a few weeks ago and having social engagements every night since they ended (yes been out every night for two weeks, yes am exhausted, yes have reached end of sociable tether)means that I am rather horrified as I survey the piles of rubble and rubbish where there used to be clean floor. In fairness to him he cleaned the kitchen and his tv room and it looks great but he's been off work since last friday, it would have been nice if the cleaning extended into the hall or indeed the landing.

On top of this I couldn't find nice flowers for my Mam's grave so instead bought bunches of holly, leaf twiggy things with red berries and pussy willow in a moment of madness thinking "I can make a wreath/arrangement". Clearly I must have been on crack while thinking this, my fingers are so black they have almost fallen off and I have never done a flower arrangement in my life not to mention the whole lack of time thing. I bought some florists wire and this other gold wire stuff so hopefully I should be able to cobble something together that dosen't look like a deranged three year old did it. Hey does tinsel go funky outside? I was thinking of winding some tinsel around the dodgey bits (you know there will be dodgey bits) but am wondering if it will look ok when it rains?

Read )

Ok off to friends, pick up some redbull on the way home then attempt to build a wreath. You have no idea how tempting my bed is right now....
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So Friday was hang out at C's drinking fat frogs (mmmm) and get into a rather heated debate on politics(which I hate because everyone gets shouty and talks across each other grr). Manchild also came up in conversation. Manchild is an employee of C's husband who only lives down the road from them. I first met him when C's husband had a poker night and I was at my sarky best. Needless to say he got the impression I didn't like him. I was losing and I am a bad loser so I was sarky. Fast forward a few weeks and C's husbands work was having a wine tasting night for charidee. I was drunk, he was drunk and he blurted out that he thought I hated him. I slurrred noooo I jhust a bad looooser gave him a hug and wobbled off in the direction of the bar. We all ended up going back to C's house for more alkiehol until C called it a night. There was chit chat of the drunken kind with him and a lot of my friends all night. At the end of the night after saying my goodbyes I tottered towards the gate with manchild following close on hand. I went to say good night to him and he asked would I like him to get me a taxi. I said no that I only lived down the road. He then asked to walk me home. I said no thanks and proceeded to wobble off home. I was mulling over the way he said the words and his body language, (open, smiley, lots of eye contact, shifting from one foot to another, slightly too much in my personal space) and half wondered if that whole walking me home thing was a come on. I am out of practise at reading between the lines, in fact I wonder was I ever in practise?

Read )
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What a week, first off my laptop charger died and I only managed to get it replaced today. So I've been managing to keep up with my bloggy friends on my iphone but its not really conducive to typing out replies.

It's been a tough week ending up with me making a rather large fuck up in work, one of many over the past few weeks and openly sobbing at my desk. Yeah professional. Bosslady took me into another room and I confessed how hard I've been finding the work/college balance. Exams are next week. I finish work and go to the college library where I stay til 9pm. I get home at ten get dinner and go to bed at 11. Where I can't sleep. Because I'm running over all the stuff I didn't get to study. I'm exhausted but don't want to turn to sleeping pills as they zombify me. I forced myself to take time off and have been to the cinema and hanging with friends but at the back of my mind I feel incredibly guilty for not studying. Bosslady told me to focus on college and shes going to try and take some of my work off me. Again I feel guilty because she has her own jobs to be doing and now some of mine.

I think it's more then just exams though, the past few weeks I have been feeling down. Blue. Sad. Tears are a daily occurence. I don't like this supposedly festive season. I don't want to get my friends down because they do. Its easy to put a smiley face on when they are around. Its when I'm alone I just feel empty. Empty and stressed. So not really empty I guess.

In other news friendboy (he of the wanting a bootie call) called me this morning to let me know he's now seeing someone. It's only been 10 days but its "intense". Ummmm ok I'm happy for him but I don't really need to hear how wonderful she makes him feel, how she tells him he's so much better then her last bf and isn't it great they only live 5 minutes away from each other so they can see each other all the time! Nor do I need to see the rapturous bookface status updates either.

Sigh I'm one big ball of negative lately, hopefully when the exams are over normal services will be resumed.
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So what say yee on re-gifting? Going through the pit that is my bedroom I found two gift sets of smelly body stuff and two bottles of perfume still in their plastic packaging. The perfume I'm pretty sure will be a hit but if the body stuff is from last christmas (I gave you my heeeeeart) will it still be ummmm fresh? I looked on the boxes but couldn't find any use by date? Last thing I want to do is give someone an allergic reaction by my cheapness!

Operation cheap gifts is progressing smoothly. With grim determination I scoured my favourite cheap clothes shop last night until I found four sets of pyjamas for under a tenner. For my four close girlfriends I have set limits of 20 quid. The last is at 60, she always makes an effort to get me something I like and when I asked her what she wanted was very practical in her response. Bravo.

We went shopping in the department store her aunt works in last night where there was a 20 percent sell on. With her presence we were also able to get a staff discount of 35%. Huzzah. I scoured two body gift sets, some makeup, a real leather bag and one of those thick black leather belts with three buckles on it all for under 70 euro. Score! Am quite liking this bargain shopping and her aunt said she is going to be in the shop on Sunday if I wanted to go along for more bargain hunting. We shall see how the cheap shopping goes this afternoon after my cheap haircut :)

x-posted from the other site. Would anyone have any ideas on the below? Pretty please?

Help! I would love to make my Dad a cake my Mam used to make him for his birthday on Monday. Only problem is she never acutally wrote it down. It was an upside down strawberry jam sponge cake she used to cook in the microwave in a plastic xmas pudding bowl. I've done afew searches online and all I can find is the recipe for a pineapple upside down cake. I've also asked my Mams sisters with no luck. My baking skillz aren't great so any and all help is very much appreciated!
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Yeah I hate technology. My last college report is due in tommorow and I had a few bits and pieces to edit on it today. I had saved it to my college usb key thing which is usually quite nifty. I was working on my report yesterday in my local public library on one of their pc's. I plugged my key into my laptop today to edit it and nada. I searched my laptop and nada. All I could find was the notes on my usb key as to how I was going to structure this essay. I think I may have saved it to the library pc yesterday instead of my key. Either that or my key had a spazz attack. Either way I've just spent the past six hours writing a 2500 essay on management theory. I have to be up in five hours.

Oh yes and while online I received an IM from ye olde fuck buddy asking how things were. We are no longer doing that part of the statement so I hadn't spoken to him in a while. Still shook me when he told me about his new girlfriend. Tall, slim, black hair, Slovakian. Sigh. Another one (goregous hunk) bites the dust. Time to renew my chastity vows.....

Oh god actually I have to be up in four and a half hours. Wah!
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Taking a break from the endless cycle of study, write report, study, rip my hair out and so on I'm starting to cast my thoughts towards christmas. More specifically what to get friends/family. This year I'm going with the trinket theme. This is mainly because I have asked friends/family what they would like and they say oh I don't really mind, don't go to any trouble. So I'm not.

Forgive me if I sound a little heartless but with Mam's passing the familyness has kind of gone out of christmas for me. Dad and I have decided not to decorate this year because neither of us are in the mood for celebrating. We are still doing the present and fancy meal thing though. When I asked him what he wanted for a present he said something practical and a book. That's the kind of response I like! I'm thinking a hat and scarf set and if I can find them manly fingerless gloves and some autobiography (I'm thinking Michael Palin's one) plus a selection box. Relatively inexpensive but practial and just what he wants.

For my girlfriends I'm thinking a selection of pyjamas, fleecy socks, scarfs, picture frames etc. I have a favourite little shop which has all sorts of trinkety things. For their other halfs I got cheap selection boxes and calenders. Family will get things like scarves, soapy set stuff and boxes of candy.

I get paid next friday and am planning on driving into town early on saturday and blitzing the shops getting all my xmas presents in one go.

Is it just me or is all this christmas stuff overrated?
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Gah I go offline for a few days and there is so much catching up to do!

I've been trying to do college work, essays and stuff and its harder then I thought. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for this college thing at all. I have two essays done and one and a half left to do for Monday. I took today off because I'm pretty tired of writing about things I have no real interest in. Tommorrow will be a day chock full of writing. Sigh. Suck. It. Up.

In other news work were offering tickets for the irish bond premiere and myself and S got two. So thursday we got to see it. Verdict? Brilliant however don't expect your typical Bond movie. It's dark and pretty much devoid of any witty comments/comebacks you expect of Bond. It's non stop action from the start and the few breaks in the movie for actual dialouge where very much appreciated so I could catch my breath. I can't wait to see it again :)

I'm also a tad worried about my friend S. Pot calling kettle black moment here but she is an emotional overeater. I got to see this on Thursday. We got all gussied up in our finery and she spent the whole night making comments about how fat she felt, how she thought all the skinny people were looking at her and that they much be thinking what is that fat cow doing at something like this. Then at the afterparty she proceeded to devour a platter of food to herself and bitterly comment how the spot prize people wouldn't come near us because we weren't the people they were looking for (i.e fat). We got into the VIP area and this was another problem for her because there were only skinny leggy gorgeous girls there (which was true)and we stuck our like sore (fat) thumbs. She then devoured all the food at the table we were sitting at. We left after about an hour and she insisted we stop in at the local greasy chinese for food. I sat by with my soup and watched as she devoured a starter and main course. Did I mention we went out to dinner before we went to the film?

Its a vicious cycle with her, she hates being fat, feels insecure about what people might be thinking of her then turns to food for comfort. I try to suggest other activities that don't involve food but she always says shes too fat for them (swimming, walking, gym etc) She joined weightwatchers with me but says it's too restrictive (um hello a diet were you can eat what you want as long as you point it?). Honestly, I'm at a loss as to what to do?
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Just back from evening with friend who always manages to cheer me up no matter how down I am. Once again she came through. I don't know exactly what it is about her, although she is high-larious and has a wicked sense of humor I think its more the aura about her. She just radiates calm and good humor. She wasn't always like this, before she became a born again christian she was confused and ill at ease with everyone including herself. Then "the change" happened and now she is this wonderful creature. I myself am not hugely religious and have no plans to be but I love love love the person she has become through finding her faith. Bravo Miss C!

So we went for coffee then a spot of shopping. She talked me into buying a fedora, something I've always wanted but could never justify. Now to get the gumption to wear it outside. We also found me the perfect black dress for work plus really comfy grey suede sock boots and then when waiting to pay I spotted these fabulous gloves. Seriously if ever I wear to become crafty I would make these and they would sell like hotcakes. They come in two parts, the plain black gloves part and then like a leg warmer but for your arms with a hole to put your thumb through. They are perfect and keep my wrists and arms v. cosy.

In other news I plan on getting my hair chopped tommorow. Its in really bad condition all split endy and rough. Plus because my hair is so fine if it gets too long then it ends up just looking flat and meh. I plan on a cut similar to this but a little shorter at the back. I also have black hair and a fringe and plan on keeping those. In reality it will look nothing like her hair as mine has loads of layers but its a good shape to aim for. I'm looking forward to it.

This is going to be a good time off for me.
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When I saw the piss take of the ideological v gynecological twin on the daily show I laughed heartily. Never did I think that anyone would support palin just because she was a woman. Enter an aquaintence on bookface. This person was all gung ho for Hil and when Obama got the nomination she was full of messages about how Hil was robbed ROBBED of the nomination. Enter Palin. Now all of a sudden she is joining the palin/mccain groups on bookface. I was confused thinking because she was a staunch Hil fan she obviously supported the dems so I mailed her. I got a rather terse message back saying it dosen't matter who's team shes on the most important thing was getting a woman in the whitehouse and shattering the glass ceiling Hil spoke of. Uh huh. Nevermind she and I are both irish and have no say whatsover in voting etc. I am just stunned that anyone would support someone based on their sex and nothing else. This aquaintence is a rather odd fish anyways, there are other things that I won't go into but I'm just wondering how many other people out there are doing the same thing? To annoy her I joined a group against palin. Petty yes, immature yes but c'mon now!

Stayed in a hotel last night with bongo buddy and it was luverly. Nothing nicer then spending a lazy weekend in bed with someone who has a similar mindset on these things :) Just back from a BBQ today which my friends threw. It was their 5th wedding anniversary yesterday. If anyone can make a convincing tale for marraige its them. They really do seem to complete each other. It made me happy and sad about bongo buddy, I'm glad I have someone in my life like him but I know not to expect anything more either which is a pity.

Off to the pics tonight to see the strangers. I don't usually like scary movies but the friend I'm going with is my movie buddy and we haven't seen each other in a while and this was the only film on at a time which suited both of us. No doubt I will be whimpering by the end of it :D
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So bridezilla is pregnant, yay! I am genuinely happy for her. But. You knew there was a but didn't you? C and her husband A have known about this for 6 weeks. About 6 weeks longer then anyone else. They found out when bridezilla and her husband invited them for dinner for their one month wedding anniversary. A double date if you will. Lately I have felt rather excluded from my closest friends. Excluded, as I am but one and they are two. It makes sense that bridezilla told C and A after all they are parents to an adorable 3 year old and asked bridezilla and her husband to be guardians of her in case anything ever happened to them. I on the other hand have never had a baby or been pregnant. I'm not particularly good with kids (short term yes, long term I just don't have the patience) I said a multitude of reasons why they knew first. Still though it dosen't take away the ouch of exclusion. Sigh. I can't really say anything because I understand why they kept the news til the all clear 12 week marker as she has miscarried before. Build a bridge fluff, build a bridge.

Met N (the boy who I posted the v. long IM conversation with a while back)on Saturday. I'm so glad we are just friends now. He really is a bit bitter towards people of the female persuasion. I wonder if he ever thought of me in the same way he thinks of his most recent ex? In a nutshell she told him she just wasn't that interested (in a nicer way) and a not so nice IM conversation ensued where she basically told him to fuck off because of some rather nasty things he said. Still though he is amusing as a friend and at times quite sweet.

I also met up with a bongo buddy later on which was fun (;-)). Its tricky, I'm quite happy on my own but miss the bongo's that go with relationships. I know having a steady bongo buddy usually ends badly for me as I get too attached. However this one is unlike all others. We were not friends before we played bongos. We keep contact to a bare minimum except when arranging said bongos. Afterwards we do not stay in contact unless to organise another meeting. Its working and I'm happy. For now. From the brief snippets he's told me I know there is no way he could commit to a monogomous relationship which does help.

Throat is feeling a lot better but now have horrible bone shaking cough. It dosen't hurt my throat when I cough but my chest muscles are starting to hurt from the sheer force of the coughs. Its not getting any better so back to the docs on Wednesday. Sigh. Still though it is curbing the appetite somewhat so should be beneficial for cult on Wednesday night ;)

Oooh off to a very swanky thing soon. Looking forward to it!
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I would rent my kidneys to get some decent sleep (hello jetlag!) but alas other things call like fat club and seeing just how much a vacation in america will affect my weight. Meh was worth it.

Had such a great time and cackled out loud when I pulled the polyester dress out of the mess of clothes that is my unpacking. Oh yes I shall be getting more wear out of this in the future I think, sure halloween is just around the corner :)

Its starting to dawn on me that although I will always have a mother shaped void in my life, each and every one of the happies that has happened since she passed goes a little way in taking the sting out of the pain. She would want me to be happy, to go out and be all that I can be and last week I think she would have approved of. Hell I'm proud of me for going that distance by myself for not freaking out when the bus was delayed, when the plane spent nearly an hour on the runway etc etc. I'm also delighted to have met such wonderful people after talking online to most of them for the bones of 7 years!

Oh yes I also have a wee crush, nothing can and will come of it but its nice to feel that giddy feeling again. Its been a long time.

In summary. America woo!, meeting old and new friends yay!, crush giddy!, unpacking meh, lack of sleep EUGH.

**Edited to add after careful consideration I think I prefer the velveeta mac and cheese over the kraft one. Crazy foreigner :p


Jul. 21st, 2008 01:59 pm
baasheep: (Default)
A wee bit of good news amidst the doom and gloom.


Oh yes third time is the charm :)

I'm off work today so driving test out of the way first thing this morning, then onto the beauty salon for a waxing, leg and brazilian (which so didn't hurt as much as I thought it would). I cancelled my dentist appointment as I figured a test and getting pubic hair ripped out should be my pain limit for today. Instead I will be making a yummy lunch then calling over to bridezilla for a chinwag (first time I've seen her since the funeral) then one of my friends is home from england so catching up with her and finally get an early night if I can.

I suppose another piece of sad/happy news. One of our neighbours has cancer and is unable to leave the house without a wheelchair. The houses around here aren't very wheelchair accessible. When we brought Mam home Dad made two sets of ramps for the wheelchair which worked great (one of the many pluses of hime being a carpenter/handyman). We were able to give these to the neighbour today. Its sad that she needs them but I'm glad we can be of some help.

Now off to make myself a rather decadent lunch...l
baasheep: (Default)
These past few days have been pretty tough. I called around to his folks house on thursday to pay my respects and there were so many people there. His poor fiancee was still in shock and sat curled into the couch not really aware of her surroundings. Then the removal on Friday, it was standing room only, at least 450 people turned up. The service was short as it always is and Bridezillas husbands uncle who is a priest said the decade of the rosary. It was bittersweet. Last month he was marrying bridezilla and her husband in greece. This month its her brothers funeral. Then back to her folks house where we traded stories of B and how gross he could sometimes be lol (like the time he hooked a beer keg up to the feding tube in his stomach, sober to drunk in less then 2 mins!)it was a good night although several people myself included we nearly expected B to come into the room and give his side of the gross story. Its still so hard to believe he's gone.

Saturday, well saturday was the hardest of all. Again there was a huge turnout, standing roon only again. G his Dad started the funeral with a speech about his son. Everyone listened as he told us when B was diagnosed with CF at 10 weeks old the Doctors told them he would be lucky if he made it another six weeks. Twenty five years is pretty good going he said. Well I guess when you are given a diagnosis like that every day is a gift. He told us about B and how he always helped to raise awareness about CF and had no problem telling his own story especially to those who were of a slightly squeamish nature lol. He met the minister for health a little while ago with some other CF patients and managed to secure a special CF unit in our local hosptial which is a huge step. He also put forward his arguement for the opt-out system of donors (bascially its a system where every one is automatically a donor, no need for donor cards and if you wish to opt out you can) which makes so much sense. So many people say they are willing to be a donor but when it comes down to it they never have the conversation with their family or have much knowledge about donor cards. It was B's wish the donor cards would be available at his funeral and they were. Both days. 300 cards each day. All were taken. So potentially there are 600 new donors as a result of B. If anything good was to come out of his death this is it.

The saddest and most poigient thing of all was a letter from B. When he was taken to ICU the last time he realised he may not bounce back again. So he composed a letter on his phone. K his finacee found it after he passed and read it out. In it he thanked his parents for raising him, recounted a few funny stories, told Bridezilla her and her husband would make fantastic parents and Ken that he was the best brother (Ken's gf has CF and is on the transplant list too. It was pretty harrowing for him knowing what might lie ahead again) B thanked everyone who looked after him and said he was so tired of fighting and he knew it would all be over soon and he would be watching down. His coffin was carried out to Guns n' Roses knocking on heavens door which was a favourite song of B's. Then to the graveyard where again a huge turnout. A dove was released and 65 roses (a symbol of cystic fibrosis) where dropped onto his coffin. The priest said a few words then the cover was placed over the earth and it was all over. We all stood there for a few minutes paying respects to his folks not quite sure what to do when the decision was made for us. Monsoon rain fell from the sky and everyone scattered. A sign from B to get the show on the road perhaps?

We spent the restr of the day in a hotel the Bridezilla and her husband had reserved for their wedding party which would have been last saturday. We ate, laughed, cried and remembered B.


baasheep: (Default)

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