Apr. 10th, 2008 12:25 am
baasheep: (Default)
Our kitchen is quite... to put it kindly, dated. If this was 1988 and the world had a longing in its groin for brown and cream formica we would be hip cats but 20 years later not so much. Our main worktop has come away from the wall slightly and things have an annoying habit of falling down the crack. Every so often Dad is tasked with lugging the (surprisingly heavy) thing away from the wall to see what treasure we will find among the cobwebs and various dead bugs. I say treasure ironically because usually its bills, which are of course pass their due date for being paid. Off topic: Dad and I reaaaaaally aren't very good at this housekeeping lark. Anyways today I found real treasure down there. A letter from my college. It informed me that the original marks of the first exams were incorrect. They apologised and on another sheet of paper gave the acutal results. 53% and 79%. 53 FUCKING PER CENT BABY!!! This means instead of failing by 2% I have in fact passed by a lot more then I thought I would. It's such a huge weight off my mind with exams coming up again.


Thank you Jennifer for such a lovely and thoughtful card. It came on my Mam's anniversary and it helped. A lot.

Thank you all for your comments on the past post. I wasn't sure whether to post as it seemed quite bitter even for me but it helps to know others hear me and know what it is like.

Feeling quite blessed at the moment.

Thank you.

Apr. 14th, 2007 06:42 pm
baasheep: (Default)
Thank you my loves for all the messages and good wishes. It is truely a great comfort to read over them and know you are rooting for me and my fam. Hearing from the splendiforus crowjoy was a highpoint. She sounds just like I imagined she would and even over the phone radiates calm and good vibes. Its so nice to know you miss cj. Its so nice to know all of you.

Now if you will excuse me I must go cry some happy tears.
baasheep: (Default)
A conversation with Mam while out having her ciggie this evening.

Mam: I'm fed up today.

BaaS: Why's that?

M: I've been poked and prodded, I'm black and blue all over...

B: I'm sorry to hear that..

M: ....I've had that many pricks in me today...

B: *snicker*

M: What?

B: *snigger*

M: what, tell me...( few seconds goes by)..YOU have a filthy mind young lady!!!!

B: Full on cackling ensues..
baasheep: (Default)
Thank you, I wish you all were here to hug me too.

I went to work yesterday and told my boss. Being a cancer survivor* himself he understood a bit of whats been going on. He told me to take as much time off as I needed and gave me his cell number if I'm not going to be in so I don't have to go through the switch. He also offered to let me go home then and there if I wanted. I decided not to. I have a feeling that work is going to become a bit of a refuge for me. I was able to concentrate on the job and it helped shut my thoughts up. I told one other person in work who suspected but thats it. I don't think I want to tell everyone in work. They would be lovely about it of course but I couldn't handle people asking me how my Mam is every day. I told my four closest girlfriends and a neighbour who is friendly with Mam. It's harder telling people - it brings it all back plus you almost have to console them. Everyone but my boss has said stuff along the lines of "well they come up with new treatments everyday" etc etc. I then have to gently point out that yes they do however the cancer has spread quite a bit and because my Mam is so weak an aggressive treatment like chemo is probably not going to happen, thats its about making her happy and keeping her pain free for as long as possible. Thats when they realise that we aren't looking for a cure and the consoling part comes in. A part of me feels really guilty about that. The not looking for a cure. I know, its silly.

Read )
baasheep: (Default)
Thank you for the kind comments in the previous post. I guess this journal has been a bit of a downer lately. Stupid life and its not going rightness! I am thankful for what I have though.

I'm thankful for my health, for my body that keeps on keeping on even though I don't always treat it like the temple that it is. I'm thankful for my friends (real life and online) that rallied around me with Ma going into hospital. They(you)are wonderful people and I am so lucky to have them (you)in my life. I love them (you). I'm thankful for the job I have for as much as I complain about it, it gives me options. I also earn a pretty good wage considering I have no formal education for the type of job I do. I'm thankful for my gorgeous doggie, who loves me without judgement and is hysterically excited to see me every day. I'm thankful for the country I live in, as much as I complain about it, Ireland is a great place full of things to do and places to see.

I'm thankful that I'm alive in the time we are in. I know people complain about everything being very technological, gadgety if you will and some yearn for a simpler time but not me. I love that I have access to a computer, that I can sit here typing in bed and someone is america or australia might read this. I love having a cell phone and knowing all my friends are just a phone call away. I can't tell you how relieved I was when we were robbed in tenerife and my friend offered me the use of her phone. I was able to make the calls from the comfort of my room instead of having to traipse around looking for a pay phone when I was on the point of tears. I love the internet, anything I want to look up is just a few clicks away. I haven't gone a week where I haven't learnt something or had preconceived ideas changed because of the www.

I'm thankful for the parents I have. As angry as I was with them in the last post that anger was two parts worry one part frustration. The biggest lessons I have learnt is from their mistakes. They will always love me and support me (perhaps not in the financial sense though). The person I am today is largely down to them. All in all I'm quite happy with that person.


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