Rumination

[baasheep]

I was so pissed at my Mam and Dad a few years back. It was around the time I was doing a project in Biology on just how bad smoking was for you. I shouted at them about how if they got cancer from the damn ciggies they would only have themselves to blame. After Mam's diagnosis that memory came back to me. I think its ironic that the cancer she has started in her pancreas (not to mention unfair, the pancreas are one of the worst places you can have it). Sure the fact she smokes has probably played a part in it but I was fully expecting when the doc said they had found a tumour for it to be in her lungs. Any anger I had over her smoking is gone. I buy her cigarettes now when I have refused to for the past fifteen years. That probably makes me a hypocrite. Her lung function is down to 80 percent but the doc is unsure wheter its the cancer or smokers lung. Either way she is now on oxygen full time. Smoking definitely dosent help but it makes her happy to smoke. She enjoys it. Make no mistake I am fully against smoking. I think parents who smoke are completely irresponsible (flame me if you like). It bothers me no end that Dad is smoking heavier then he ever has but I know its down to the stress of his wife being terminally ill. Not to mention how we can come up with the cash for her meds, tests, home care etc. Thats a whole other entry though. I don't think I could stand the thought of him getting cancer too.