Tis I the Fluff

Last semester of college started tonight, the two subjects this term are introduction to business law and accounting 2. Law was really interesting, it was just an overview tonight (barristers v solicitors etc) but it kept my attention and I even managed to ask some semi relevant questions. Accounting I have always found difficult but the lecturer is loooovely, same guy we had last term for accounting 1. He explains the most basic obvious things without making you feel stupid. We are going to try covering the curriculum while bringing relevant balance sheets, analysis etc into it (in irish financial news one of our main banks has been taken over by the goverment after the ceo hid 100mil in loans which prompted the financial regulator to resign)to keep it interesting.

I am trying to think more long term on the college thing too as in do I want to go on and do the degree. I'm finding it tough at the moment only doing one evening a week but the degree is two evenings a week plus saturdays. For three to four years. On the plus side I'll probably have saved loads as I'll be too exhausted to have a social life. Sigh. Aside from the financial burden this degree will bring (work pay for the course only if I pass the exam and per semester so I have to pony up the money first which will mean taking out a loan)I'm not entirely sure I even want to stay in this line of work. I've been feeling pretty unsatisfied for a while now and while I don't dislike my job I am feeling very meh about it. However in this dwindling craptastic recession heading economy it seems like a really stupid idea to leave the job and the security it brings.

Sigh what to do what to do :/

What a week, first off my laptop charger died and I only managed to get it replaced today. So I've been managing to keep up with my bloggy friends on my iphone but its not really conducive to typing out replies.

It's been a tough week ending up with me making a rather large fuck up in work, one of many over the past few weeks and openly sobbing at my desk. Yeah professional. Bosslady took me into another room and I confessed how hard I've been finding the work/college balance. Exams are next week. I finish work and go to the college library where I stay til 9pm. I get home at ten get dinner and go to bed at 11. Where I can't sleep. Because I'm running over all the stuff I didn't get to study. I'm exhausted but don't want to turn to sleeping pills as they zombify me. I forced myself to take time off and have been to the cinema and hanging with friends but at the back of my mind I feel incredibly guilty for not studying. Bosslady told me to focus on college and shes going to try and take some of my work off me. Again I feel guilty because she has her own jobs to be doing and now some of mine.

I think it's more then just exams though, the past few weeks I have been feeling down. Blue. Sad. Tears are a daily occurence. I don't like this supposedly festive season. I don't want to get my friends down because they do. Its easy to put a smiley face on when they are around. Its when I'm alone I just feel empty. Empty and stressed. So not really empty I guess.

In other news friendboy (he of the wanting a bootie call) called me this morning to let me know he's now seeing someone. It's only been 10 days but its "intense". Ummmm ok I'm happy for him but I don't really need to hear how wonderful she makes him feel, how she tells him he's so much better then her last bf and isn't it great they only live 5 minutes away from each other so they can see each other all the time! Nor do I need to see the rapturous bookface status updates either.

Sigh I'm one big ball of negative lately, hopefully when the exams are over normal services will be resumed.