baasheep | Can I close door no.1 now?

So the date last night. It went well. I think he's reading a lot more into this than me though. Bongos were had and although pleasent where a bit meh (First time usually is though right). This morning when we woke up he was all I can't believe that happened, usually I wouldn't go that far on a first date. I don't want you to think I'm usually like that, etc. To which I smiled weakly in reply and muttered oh me too. He was talking about making plans for tommorow for the cinema. And then plans next week.

And and and its just going too fast. I sound a bit like a sterotypical male here but to me sex isn't that huge a deal, its just a fun way of passing the time. Its the emotional side, the letting someone in to your fears and insecurities that I have the problem with. After all thats gone on, after Mam I'm not ready to let anyone in at the moment (or for a while yet). Thats what he wants though. He wants to understand me (his words). When I heard that I wanted to run shrieking for the hills. I think I am going to have to have the talk with him this week. I hate to do it, it will be like kicking a puppy (he really is very sweet) but at the moment I'm just not prepared to commit to anyone.

I feel bad because it was me that initiated the bongos and had I of known he took it so seriously I never would hae done/said anything. Then again its not like I had to twist his arm either! It was awkward at times too. We don't have a huge amount in common so much of the silences were filled with macking which of course led to the suggestion of bongos. Sigh, I'm going to cancel plans for tommorow and meet him during the week and chat then.

Another reason why I'm meh about him (lets call him sweet) about sweet is that my mind is still on crush. With the bank hol next weekend C will be having a bit of a gathering and he is invited. I want to see how that pans out. For all I know next time I see him my reaction will be ugh. C went to some family thing of her hubs this week and he was there. Apparently his oz visa has to be activated by june-july and she couldn't pry out of him wheter he was going to activate it or not. There was also some references made to my (rather attractive boobylicious dress) outfit that I was wearing the last time he saw me. He's insisted to C that he's shy but she called him on the whole if hes shy why the confrontational debates? Either way I'm looking forward to Sunday next week. If hes not there there's still a lot of friends I get to see. Plus free food whoo!