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Gah ran into manchild today looking all cute and stuff (was actually horribly rude at first cos I didn't recognize him in a baseball cap). I need to remind myself why I shouldn't go there, that near decade age difference, my friend is his boss, he's emigrating to Oz, the fact I'm not looking for yet another bongo buddy (they always go wrong). All valid reasons why I shouldn't go there right?
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It came out of the blue. A former co-worker of mine who I look up to enormously and had a bit of a girl crush on when we worked together sent me an email. She asked about my christmas my new year and how my Dad was doing. Then she dropped the bombshell "I had a bit of a dry one cos guess what, I'm preggers!" My jaw dropped and I spent a good minute or so staring at the screen before I replied. You see she was always the one I looked up to as a singleton. Even when she got with her boyfriend and moved in with him she always retained that streak of independance, that hey why don't we try this salsa club it starts tonight at 8 in an email sent at 5 type of thing. I'm afraid she'll lose that and like so many of my friends who have met the one and/or have a baby have less and less time for her friends aka me. Sigh it's selfish I know the baby and their spouse should of course be their main priority. However it's tough out there as a singleton and my friendships really matter to me perhaps they are not reciprocated as I would hope but I am trying to understand and accept this.
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So Friday was hang out at C's drinking fat frogs (mmmm) and get into a rather heated debate on politics(which I hate because everyone gets shouty and talks across each other grr). Manchild also came up in conversation. Manchild is an employee of C's husband who only lives down the road from them. I first met him when C's husband had a poker night and I was at my sarky best. Needless to say he got the impression I didn't like him. I was losing and I am a bad loser so I was sarky. Fast forward a few weeks and C's husbands work was having a wine tasting night for charidee. I was drunk, he was drunk and he blurted out that he thought I hated him. I slurrred noooo I jhust a bad looooser gave him a hug and wobbled off in the direction of the bar. We all ended up going back to C's house for more alkiehol until C called it a night. There was chit chat of the drunken kind with him and a lot of my friends all night. At the end of the night after saying my goodbyes I tottered towards the gate with manchild following close on hand. I went to say good night to him and he asked would I like him to get me a taxi. I said no that I only lived down the road. He then asked to walk me home. I said no thanks and proceeded to wobble off home. I was mulling over the way he said the words and his body language, (open, smiley, lots of eye contact, shifting from one foot to another, slightly too much in my personal space) and half wondered if that whole walking me home thing was a come on. I am out of practise at reading between the lines, in fact I wonder was I ever in practise?

Read )
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Cuz I'm tired and have a cold that will not die I bring you a +/- post

+ Booked my STD test for Monday*
- It's €150!
+ If €150 buys me peace of mind its worth it I guess
- My local doc dosen't do STD tests
+ They will be offering free smear tests from the start of November though, yay!
- Am fairly sure I have a UTI
+ With the amount of cranberry juice I'm drinking I should get rid of my cold and UTI
- not really a fan of anything cranberry
+ Sip and See apologised for acting like a dick via email
+ I've deleted him from my IM list
- because it was bothering me that he was online and not IM'ing me
- still hurt
+ Am off this Friday and Monday
+ I plan on indulging in an early night on thursday and an early start on friday
+ Possibly taking in the art museum
+ More likely cleaning the house and my bedroom
+ Still I won't be in work!
- Yeah works not going too great at the moment
+ BFF is moving home, her BF starts work here in October
+ He's nice in small doses but a tad arrogant
- He dosen't know anyone here
- Therefore I am expecting to see him any time I invite her around
+ Not looking forward to her well meaning but pointed questions about my love life
- Am bored with my blah hairstyle
- Fringe is growing out and looks most odd
- Haven't seen any other hairstyle I like. Any hair ideas for those of us with baby fine flat hair? Not too short...
- Spent a small fortune on music
+ Love my new purchases

*It was surprisingly hard to find privacy during my day to day life to book this, after all it's not something you can do at your desk if you want to keep it private. Nor on the streets. They weren't open late so evening book when I was home was a no no. I solved this by going back to our old deserted spooky office building (card still works mwhaha)and booking there while trying not to trip over random debris. Fun times!
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My friend C is known for her honesty. Sometimes its appreciated. Sometimes not. This evening was more of the former. We were talking about past loves, relationships etc when she mentioned she thought I was in a not so healthy cycle. Bascially, I meet a guy, we click, we jump into bed. The next day we are witty. Phonecalls and texts ensue. Maybe a few more dates. I become too interested. He backs off. I am sad. I get tired of men and drop out of the dating game until some guy sparks my interest and it all starts again.

To be honest I'm not sure what to do about breaking the cycle. Hold off jumping into bed? I've done that before believe it or not and it still ended up the same way. I have also tried not coming across as too interested. Still it ends the same way. Right now I am in the too interested, backing off, sad and dropping out of the dating game phase. Yes yes its to do with bongo buddy. Sigh. I've caught myself thinking about him. In a romantic context. Which is not good when all we are to each other is bongos. He most definitely is not looking for more.

So guess is back to dropping out of the dating game again...this time I'm not so much sad as weary. Of the whole damn thing. Men. Who needs them?
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When I saw the piss take of the ideological v gynecological twin on the daily show I laughed heartily. Never did I think that anyone would support palin just because she was a woman. Enter an aquaintence on bookface. This person was all gung ho for Hil and when Obama got the nomination she was full of messages about how Hil was robbed ROBBED of the nomination. Enter Palin. Now all of a sudden she is joining the palin/mccain groups on bookface. I was confused thinking because she was a staunch Hil fan she obviously supported the dems so I mailed her. I got a rather terse message back saying it dosen't matter who's team shes on the most important thing was getting a woman in the whitehouse and shattering the glass ceiling Hil spoke of. Uh huh. Nevermind she and I are both irish and have no say whatsover in voting etc. I am just stunned that anyone would support someone based on their sex and nothing else. This aquaintence is a rather odd fish anyways, there are other things that I won't go into but I'm just wondering how many other people out there are doing the same thing? To annoy her I joined a group against palin. Petty yes, immature yes but c'mon now!

Stayed in a hotel last night with bongo buddy and it was luverly. Nothing nicer then spending a lazy weekend in bed with someone who has a similar mindset on these things :) Just back from a BBQ today which my friends threw. It was their 5th wedding anniversary yesterday. If anyone can make a convincing tale for marraige its them. They really do seem to complete each other. It made me happy and sad about bongo buddy, I'm glad I have someone in my life like him but I know not to expect anything more either which is a pity.

Off to the pics tonight to see the strangers. I don't usually like scary movies but the friend I'm going with is my movie buddy and we haven't seen each other in a while and this was the only film on at a time which suited both of us. No doubt I will be whimpering by the end of it :D
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Just back from another date. I am so weary. So. Weary. Perhaps its just a bad run but I feel like giving up on this whole "theres someone out there for me" thing. What if theres not? I'm reminded of a book I read by patricia scanlon a few years ago. One of the characters is married and not a very nice person, the other unmarried and would kill to be in the married position. She describes the unmarried woman as having gone out faithfully every saturday for the last 20 years in the hopes her Mr Right would appear. Dosen't that sound so tiring? Yet I feel I am slowly becoming that person. The wedding I went to recently had three single men and the bride took great pains to describe how they were all lovely and maybe I would meet someone at her wedding and wouldn't that be fabulous! Her heart was in the right place but no. Perhaps I am being too picky but none of them floated my boat. Maybe I am being too picky. Maybe I am destined to be single and should start trying to get used to it. I know one thing for sure, I am completely burnt out by the whole dating thing, the effort of having to be happy!, be funny!, be witty!, be interesting! each and every time. I am lonely this is true, every time I see my married friends I am reminded of the loneliness, the question is am I lonely enough to keep searching for the "someone out there for me"?
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There are so many little needles and stings in my life at the moment, so many little ones and two large ones. The first being boy who is probably friend, no update on that, am going over to his tommorow to play GTA and hang out. The other being my friend who I mentioned a few months back. Long story short he has cystic fibrosis. After suffering this for his whole life his lungs are shot. He's on the waiting list for a double lung transplant. On wednesday they got the call. There were a pair of lungs with his name on them. The whole family convened in the hospital waiting for the preliminary tests to come back. All good so far. B is being prepped and saying his see you on the other sides to various family members when the transplant co-ordinator comes in. She breaks it to him that unfortunately one of the lungs is not of sufficent quality for the transplant. Back on the waiting list he goes. My heart is breaking for him. He's not doing great and I hope the next time comes soon and is the right result. Which sounds horrible I know, it's not like you can go to the local store and buy a pair of lungs. Someone's life has to end for his to continue. Sigh, its a tough situation all around. What adds to the stress is that he is bridezillas brother. Bridezilla is getting married abroad in about 20 days. All the family will be there bar B who is obviously too sick to travel. What if the call happens while everyone is away? This is what everyone is silently afraid of. How will the family get back in time? What if god forbid something goes wrong? There are no easy answers and a lot of friends myself included are wondering why they chose to get married abroad when he is so sick. She explains it that with B always being sick the attention was always on him and this one day will be hers. Which I can of course understand (on the day which bride dosen't want to be the centre of attention) and she said herself they want to start trying for a baby which they want to have in wedlock and they aren't getting any younger. Sigh sigh sigh. Its tricky.

My Mam's birthday was/is today. Cue the overall sadness. Siiiiigh


May. 4th, 2008 11:56 pm
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So hes just gone and.....nothing. Actually I met him halfway and dropped him off half way in my car. He fixed my pc so all my viruses are gone and everything is zooming along nicely. We had a lovely night full of sarcastic remarks about what was on tv and chowing down on indian food. The only thing that would have been nicer was a bit of smooching too. Sigh. I have to have the conversation don't I? When though, because if I have it the next time I see him will he just think I was playing nicey nice so I could get my puter fixed? Or I could do the making the first (or like fourth) move. Maybe a squeeze of the hand or something before we say goodbye. Or maybe pup is right and it is friends only zone. Sigh. Me no likey.


May. 4th, 2008 12:20 am
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Yes all my exams are finito!. Am fairly sure I passed them, to my pleasent surprise I didn't find the accountancy exam bad at all. The main thing aside from the passing is no more college until October. Five FIVE months! It's like being on summer holidays except that pesky having to work full time bit :-/

So now back to my regular scheduale. Boys, my weight, and other miscellaneous items.

Cutty )


Apr. 13th, 2008 02:56 am
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Dude who I secretly (and unrequitedly loved) is getting married. In Japan. Bleh
baasheep: (Default)
Yeeeeah so this dating thing has reaaaaaaally lost its novelty. I think new boy will be dumping me fairly soon. It's not anything he's said or done but rather not said or done. The date ended weirdly last week with me saying I'd email him and him saying he was in the country until the end of the month(yeah I don't know what that meant either). I texted him over the weekend just to see if he was having a good one and he was very non committal. Then when we were IM'ing on Sunday I asked him did he want to meet up this week and he said he didn't think so cos money was tight (which it could be, he works for himself)so I said no problem sure we could chat on IM if we were on at the same time. He was all that sounds fine. Soooooo with me being off sick I am on the internet more then usual and we've both been on IM at the same time. He hasn't contacted me though. I realise how petty and non significant that probably is (cos you know of that having to work thing) but it has set off the tinkly warning bells. Plus the fact I am checking the dating site we met on and can see he's been active and updated his profile with amusing witty things. Sigh, the writings on the wall isn't it. I wonder if it will be an actual chat or just cutting off all communication. Oooh the thrill of finding out...
baasheep: (Eyebaaaaaaall)
Phew this social butterfly thing is hard work. Rather then ramble on I thought I'd present specific thoughts.

I finally had the dough to book NY (BABY)but just as I was about to click "confirm flight" I noticed a little sign saying people travelling to the states must have a machine readable passport. Hmph. My passport is up next year and I'm pretty damn sure seeing as it's nearly ten years old it's not. Luckily I work oppisote the passport office so will head in there early next week to check it out. I will not let a mere passport glitch stop me from attending Crowfest! Especially not since I saw the flyer plus the post saying the world's sexiest antartic scientist was attending. Whee!

I'm pretty much over the annoyance of failing the exam. Thats what re-sits are for I guess. Am feeling quite uninspired about the whole education thing at the moment. Classes this semester are Accountancy, Organisational Behaviour and IT Skills. The latter subjects are of supreme annoyance to me. Organisational behaviour seems to be intent on boring me to death with management structures, random experiments to see how employees re act to various surroundings and general shite. Very makey uppy. IT skills goes over the very very very basics of various windows applications, for example the difference between excel and word. For our last assignment we had to set up a folder. Hardcore! While not all of our class are office workers and will therefore find this course of use, the majority don't. We as a class are baffled as to why this class was not held in the first semester when we had to do two projects and a power point presentation. Sigh.

Am seeing a boy. It's early days but I quite like him. We met on a dating website, a fact most of my rl friends seem to find odd. No odder then meeting someone in a bar I think. On our third date we took things the next level ahem! We saw each other last night for our fourth date and all was good, both of us were tired though after somewhat trying days in work, so I was home in bed by 11pm. I'm leaving it to him to organise the next date. He's a fussy person (not nesseceraily a bad thing) and both of us want to take things slow so I think its a good idea to have time out and a bit of space between dates. Am happy with that portion of my life. :)

Eh and not so happy about this portion. I fell off the SF wagon on my birthday week and have been having severe trouble getting back on it. I had lost about 12 pounds but have 4 back on. I think I may have to concede defeat, finish the last of my SF and perhaps go back to the cult. Plus when we were taking things to the next level I was quite concious of how large I was compared to the rather compact boy. It didn't help we were in a single bed. He didn't seem to have any complaints however I can't let go of the self conciousness of being nekkid in front of someone.

Stay tuned for more fun snippets!!

Oh and shout out to the pupster who I am VERY proud of!
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Dinner last night was fun. To be honest I had more fun last weekend. C was sick so chose to drive (which yay free taxi) so wasn't drinking. She was surreptiously checking her watch to see what time she could go home at. I managed to entice her to stay out til the end of the night. P was watching her funds as her and her bf are hoping to move in together soon so wasn't up for doing shots or going on anywhere afterwards. S was S, fun and ever so lightly loud. All in all although it was a fun night it was also a very............grown up affair? It was strange, since P has gotten into a serious relationship the dynamic of the group has changed. I feel very much the outsider now. I don't think it's anything concious on their part and it could well be me being over emotional and over sensitive.

An example: Friday before last I was in a taxi home after a night out. I was slighly pissed and chatting away to the taxi driver. One of those late night psyhic chat shows was playing on the radio. I paused as I thought the person calling in sounded familiar. Deciding I was more pissed then I thought I resumed chatting. It was only when the presenter now C... that it clicked. It was C's mother! Her father and mother moved to spain a few years ago to semi retire. They've had their rocky patches. C's mother was phoning into the radio show to say she had left her husband and she was wondering if the psychic could tell her if it was the right thing. Of course the psychic said yes (they never tell them to go back do they). I rang C to see if she knew and she said yeah her mam had come back last week and told them. Fair enough I thought, that she would only want to keep it in the family for the time being. When we were on the way to the resteraunt last night however P let it slip that C had told her and another friend L the day after her mother came home. P brushed it off saying her and L just happened to ask about her mother so C told them. I thought I was pretty close to C. Perhaps not. I didn't make a fuss or let on I was hurt but I was and am. We all have our secrets I suppose, afterall I never told any of them about Dad and his ulcer/bloodtests/freaking out about it. It stands to reason my friends have their own secrets they don't want to share. Except when they share them with my other friends and I'm the last to know.

Is that whats bugging me, that I'm the last to know?

Dating )
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Copy and pasted from an email I sent to my friend because its just too embarrassing to type up again...

No no the whole crush thing just got mortifying. He stumbled off to the couch about 7ish mumbling something about if emma or any other female came in he'd make room haha. I was quite drunk so wasn't paying attention. As soon as he went G and P (mainly G tho) started saying that was my cue to follow him he wouldn't have said anything otherwise. This went on for about forty minutes and in the meantime G and P where discussing about when they hooked up at xmas and awkward silences ensued. It got so awkward I legged it in to the couch and fell asleep foot to foot with crush. E and C came in in the morning and crush woke up. He squeezed my foot to see who it was and when he saw it was me started getting all fidgety and legged it 10 minutes later. C rang me this morning and apparently crush told her he wasn't interested and I just feel quite mortified. Clearly I won't be going near the house until crush goes back to oz!

...So there you have it. This is why I should stick to my rule of always letting the guy make the first move.

Money Talks

Jun. 3rd, 2007 11:26 am
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So that expensive ass bottle of topical acne-b-gone stuff my doc prescribed me? ITS WORKING!!! Two days in and my acne is drying up, dying a slow silent death. Mwhaha take that skin! I'm making sure to moisturise regularly with my non comdegic (sp?) cream so no flaky bits and my skin is looking noticeably less oily. The stuff expires in July so am making sure to be good and apply religiously twice a day like it says. The sleeping pills are also working well. I doze off about 20-30 minutes after taking them and when I wake up its morning. I'm up to about 6-7 hours now and I'm hoping for the full 8-9 next week. Pre pills I would have a hard time getting to sleep and when I eventually did would be tossing and turning and waking and ugh. Now though it really is like someone is flicking a switch on=awake, off=asleep and theres nothing in between. Its an odd feeling but I'm not complaining!

So it being Ireland and a typical bank holiday weekend its raining. Boo! I'm going out tonight and am wearing a fifties style cocktail dress with strappy slingbacks. Thank jeebus I didn't put fake tan on. This is also the night when crush is supposed to be over in C's house doing the male bonding thing with her husband. I hope he's still there and c or a won't say anything too suggestive. They both know I'm crushing on crush and they like to be evil.

P is also coming with us tonight. We fell out during the week and things aren't really back to normal. Basically I never told her about sweet and when she texted me on the Tuesday I was on the way home. She asked what I was up to and I said on my way home after finishing it with sweet so was a bit down. She got on her high horse because I didn't tell her. She then dug herself a hole when she said both N and L had said to her I had a hawt date/was seeing someone but she didn't believe them because I would have told her first. She then accused me of trying to keep things from her just becasue she had a new boyfriend?!

The truth is I haven't seen much of her because of the new boyfriend and it just slipped my mind to tell her about sweet. She dosen't believe it could be that simple oh no! I must be phasing her out. The arguement continued the next day and she sent me a not so nice email in work. I finally flipped and told her exactly what I thought of her and not to contact me for a while because I needed to calm down. Of course she did on both email and text which just annoyed me more so I didn't respond to her. I sent her an email on friday saying I wasn't apologising for something I didn't do and I hope we could be civil to each other on Sunday because I didn't want the other girls to feel awkward. She came back saying she would be more then civil, she was genuinely hurt and upset I didn't tell her etc etc. I honestly don't see why this is such a big deal?!

Deep down I would prefer if she didn't come tonight. I know she probably will make some sort of a scene wheter it be just to me or in front of everyone and I just want a fun girly night out, no complications and no tears. Thankfully my C and L are going to provide interference. If she does start to make a scene the object of their mission will be to distract her and remove from the scene. I hate to put them in this situation but I really don't want this night to be ruined. I'm probably overthinking this but I really don't want this night to be spoiled!
baasheep: (Default)
First off have you's heard about that reality show in the netherlands? Apparently a terminally ill woman will choose who is the recepient of her kidneys. The choice is between three people and the viewing audience will also play a part in choosing who is the "lucky" receipient via text vote. This is a new low in bad taste. The production company says this programme is to highlight the lack of organ donors but that's bullshit in my opinion. The non existant ethics have been raised in the netherlands parliment and with the EU. Just ugh. How are you supposed to choose something like that? Its effectively just picking who lives and who dies. Last time I checked this was not the roman empire and the tv audience was not ceaser giving the thumbs down. Just ugh.

Now back to the topic at hand.

We had the "talk". He was lovely about it which just made me feel worse. I explained how I wasn't ready to get into a relationship and I didn't want the responsibility of trying to make him happy. He said he understood completely and was cool with it. We've agreed to stay in touch and he's off on vacation on Thursday so thats something for him to look forward to. Its a relief for me not to have this on my mind anymore. I'm just sad that this wasn't meant to be. More later when I sort my thoughts.
baasheep: (Default)
So the date last night. It went well. I think he's reading a lot more into this than me though. Bongos were had and although pleasent where a bit meh (First time usually is though right). This morning when we woke up he was all I can't believe that happened, usually I wouldn't go that far on a first date. I don't want you to think I'm usually like that, etc. To which I smiled weakly in reply and muttered oh me too. He was talking about making plans for tommorow for the cinema. And then plans next week.

And and and its just going too fast. I sound a bit like a sterotypical male here but to me sex isn't that huge a deal, its just a fun way of passing the time. Its the emotional side, the letting someone in to your fears and insecurities that I have the problem with. After all thats gone on, after Mam I'm not ready to let anyone in at the moment (or for a while yet). Thats what he wants though. He wants to understand me (his words). When I heard that I wanted to run shrieking for the hills. I think I am going to have to have the talk with him this week. I hate to do it, it will be like kicking a puppy (he really is very sweet) but at the moment I'm just not prepared to commit to anyone.

I feel bad because it was me that initiated the bongos and had I of known he took it so seriously I never would hae done/said anything. Then again its not like I had to twist his arm either! It was awkward at times too. We don't have a huge amount in common so much of the silences were filled with macking which of course led to the suggestion of bongos. Sigh, I'm going to cancel plans for tommorow and meet him during the week and chat then.

Another reason why I'm meh about him (lets call him sweet) about sweet is that my mind is still on crush. With the bank hol next weekend C will be having a bit of a gathering and he is invited. I want to see how that pans out. For all I know next time I see him my reaction will be ugh. C went to some family thing of her hubs this week and he was there. Apparently his oz visa has to be activated by june-july and she couldn't pry out of him wheter he was going to activate it or not. There was also some references made to my (rather attractive boobylicious dress) outfit that I was wearing the last time he saw me. He's insisted to C that he's shy but she called him on the whole if hes shy why the confrontational debates? Either way I'm looking forward to Sunday next week. If hes not there there's still a lot of friends I get to see. Plus free food whoo!


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